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Today’s Therapy Session #1

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Well today I went to see the shrink (Psychologist)! I went for many reasons but mostly for my anxiety! I have a horrible time with it, I have problems accepting things I can not change and I have major patience issues on top of my anxiety. We spent the day discussing my job, childhood, parents, siblings, children, and my husband. She was very nice and easy to talk to. I sat on one of those couches like you see in the movies it seems like this is the real deal.

I don’t know if it was her being easy to talk to or the fact that it was just nice having someone to spill my guts to. I think I realized finally a few months ago how bad my condition was when my grandmother passed. I always shared with her my feelings and took her advise to better myself. It seems things have been building ever since.

My husband even asked me today if I had been taking my anxiety medicine because he said he could tell how anxious I was. I have been taking it, but I apparently am boiling over the top with stress thus exasperating the anxiety. Which from now on I feel like nick naming my anxiety the intruder. The medicine is no longer able to fight off my intruder, because it is so damn persistent.

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Today should be a happy day. We finished getting the money for the addition to our home! We have been waiting a year. Waiting on this addition has been a big part of my stress. I don’t feel the joy I should, though I am excited of course, but I am not showing it on the outside my anxiety and worry wont permit me to. Instead I know I look sad, I am really not! I am over joyed to be starting on the addition. Maybe it is that I am slightly depressed from all of the anxiety; my intruder. Who knows? I hope the psychiatrist figures it out for me.

It is exhausting pretending I am o.k. and fine when I constantly am fighting this intruder off. I know some of the triggers that seem to make the intruder more prominent, but sometimes the intruder sneaks in the back door. I am constantly tired from our fighting.

I wonder what the intruder thought of my new plan to rid it out of my life for good?I am sure it wasn’t happy, because it showed me a visit shortly after I left her office. I was able to fight it off a few hours later, but that was after unintentionally biting my husbands head off. Don’t worry I apologized and we forgave each other. I believe he is getting “pissy” with my intruder as well. My husband doesn’t like when it visits.

Just throwing this out there I was almost late for my appointment though I was in the parking lit because I was so anxious and discombobulated from the intruder who paid a visit before I left the house. It intended on keeping me away from the psychologist. However, I prevailed and won the battle this morning! I made and was able to suppress my intruder until I left her office. Self Perseverance? Crazy? #thatsforhertodecide!
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My kids are tired of the intruder as well. I have been honest with everyone close to me about the visitor who comes time to time and invades my mind body and soul. They are mostly accepting that I can’t control it, but I know it is not fair to them to have to deal with my side effects when the intruder invades my self.

So for now I wait for session number two! I wonder what she thought of all my history and family? I wonder if it can be controlled or if I am to be at war for the rest of my life with this invading, evading, intruder?

Disclaimer; I know there is no real life intruder in my mind body or soul! I haven’t lost all my marbles yet. I just like to refer to it (my anxiety) as something unwelcome.

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Funny Stuff

Quotes From a friend!!!

I love going pantie shopping it seems like all my panties disappear!

My response-SO you have a habit of loosing your panties in random places?

hers-No no that’s not what I meant hysterically laughing and slightly embarrassed she says I loose them in the laundry!

She bought a few pair while out on our trip wonder if she has managed to keep up with them!

#girlprobs

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Day one of blogging #notaprofessional

Wow I have always wanted to do this and never had the time or gumption until now. I hope it will be an enjoyable read and all of that blabla! bla!

OK for real I am 28 years old and still a college student! I am a mom of two, and I am married to a beautiful kind hearted man! I work in a prison and well lets just say it is very interesting. I wanted to start a blog because I feel as if I have a lot to say and no one wants to hear me talk 24/7; so I thought it would be best to write some of my priceless thoughts down for others to read. You can communicate with me and ask questions through email blogsterguppie@yahoo.com and of course you can comment on my post!

Hello world!

Hello I am Danielle LaShay, I am trying to start this blog site about my battle with anxiety please help me spread the word and get my thoughts and advise out there for the world to read! #Ohhappyday

Outside of commenting you can always email thoughts and questions to:

blogsterguppie@yahoo.com

My inner battle!

Anxiety what a thing to have!

What-is-Anxiety-and-What-Causes-It1

anx·i·e·ty
aNGˈzīədē/
noun
a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
“he felt a surge of anxiety”
synonyms: worry, concern, apprehension, apprehensiveness, uneasiness, unease, fearfulness, fear, disquiet, disquietude, inquietude, perturbation, agitation, angst, misgiving, nervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness; More
desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.
“the housekeeper’s eager anxiety to please”
synonyms: eagerness, keenness, desire
“an anxiety to please”
PSYCHIATRY
a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

To me anxiety is a pain in my rear! It has had a hand in bringing me down to my very lowest point in life!

To me it is ugly, bitter, and lonely. My family doesn’t understand the constant struggle I go through within myself. My kids know when I haven’t taken my dose of Zoloft because they will ask, “mom have you took your anger pills today”?Sad right? Right! I have no patience and I feel crazy when I get anxious and any little thing could trigger an attack, that is before I found my best friend Zoloft! It has helped so much. I have to be on the max dose for about 6 months and still have break through episodes and have to remind myself to stay calm. My mind goes 24/7 with worry and then the anxiety builds!The house gets strowed and the anxiety builds, the clock just changes another minuet and anxiety builds that is if I have somewhere to be or something to do, the kids are sick anxiety builds…. You get the picture. It is normal I believe to have some form of anxiety its a natural response my system is obviously hypersensitive and doesn’t cap itself off.

I don’t have an off button for when this hell comes knocking. I break down and need to get away because I can’t breath, my chest gets heavy, I can hardly swallow and I get so tense!! As if just shutting down and walking away was actually even be an option, me being a mom/wife and all pretty much insures I can’t! If I did just shut off and walk away it would pretty much guarantee a free trip to the nut house (I can say that because I am nuts) if I don’t control it that and stay that is. The only place I have been able to almost completely shut it off is at work. I think my body knows that is not the time to mess with me. Plus I stay pretty busy and not as many random thoughts and stresses visit my mind when I am there. I have learned to take deep breaths and close my eyes and breath through most of it. But I can’t always be on top pf it and sometimes I am to exhausted to fight it.

I lash out a lot less now but, before when I was having an um “episode” and I was just spoken to by someone I would lash out. Guess what that made the anxiety worse. Then the thought comes “oh my gosh they think I am crazy”! AND you guessed the ANXIETY BUILDS even more.

I believe I suffer from slight bit of OCD as well, it triggers my anxiety in a lot of instances. When certain things get out of place or change happens I start getting anxious and that is what could trigger all of the above, It just builds from there and attempts to control me. I also have a problem with time; OCD or Anxiety who knows? But, I hate to be late and unconsciously if I don’t meet a predetermined (by me in my mind) time goal for each thing I am doing I start to panic and my anxiety attempts to crush me and take over. So to say I like to be prompt would be an understatement.

Over the years of having this I have tried different medications. Most made it worse! I have learned how to cope but its a daily battle within. I think I am winning the war but it can definitely become exhausting and beat me at times. I know others suffer with it as well and I would like to know what helps you; tell me about your experiences. Flood my blog with your comments. #Imnotcrazyjustalittlenutty

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